Car Puns to make you Cowl!

Car Puns!
Shot from a defunct Kissimmee Florida attraction.

The great car “pun war” of 2011!

Every now and then, a few friends of mine will “start up” a pun subject in an email thread that seems to reach epic proportions in no time flat. Such was the case recently when “car puns” became the topic of the day. Suddenly, we were off and racing – car puns flying fast and furious.

Wally started it (I bet his parents heard that more than a few times), and other friends Pat, Alan, David and I began to randomly chime in with our oh-so-clever-and-witty quips. I’ve kept each email response in its own paragraph so as to make it as easy to follow.

We call these exchanges “Pun Wars”, so, if you’re ready – here we go.

The Car Pun War of 2011

Wally:  You know… Cars are works of art. But when I drove past a banged-up classy import on my drive in to work, I Barracuda-ly keep from SAAB-ing

Too bad the banged up car didn’t Dodge the other car.

Fordunately Wally wasn’t involved.On my way in this morning I spotted a guy who was an obvious Star Wars fan. Why, on his dash he even had a Toy Yoda bobble head!

Datsun good one, Ron!

I’m friends with MC hammer on twitter and I’ve been thinking of sending him a tweet asking him, Gee MC, how did you lose all your money?

I heard that MC Hammer lost most of his money on the Beach Line Toll road. Seems like there’s way too many Fiats all those plazas.

You know, I remember when mafia guy John Gotti was on trial and people in the crowd outside the courthouse could be heard yelling, boo Gottiboo Gotti! I was thinking they all wanted sports cars or something.

You know Alan, I once played pool with Minnesota Fats.

I asked him what the secret to playing pool was. As he took my money he said. “You Must ang-le all of the balls into the pockets”

Funny thing, my friend Lorrie Anne just asked me what a Bugatti was. My reply, “Duh Lorrie Anne, it’s a car!”

Did I tell you guys I got a new cell phone the other day. Yep, I finally got rid of my olds mobile.

Things were tight the other day and I ended up having to pawn my bottle of Lipton Iced Tea just to get a little cash. Fortunately, I found a few dollars and was able to get back to the shop later in the day. I gotta tell ya — it sure is good to have my pawned tea back.

Daewoo! This pun war is moving fast!

Yes it is moving fast and it reminds me of when I cut off my friend Lee in traffic the other day and I could tell he was pretty mad. So I sent him a text message and just said, “Chill out, don’t get bent, Lee.”

I have a friend in Australia and he is a shepherd but I told him he is also a lamb-orghini-zer

Wow.  You guys are really good at this.  I guess it is like they say in Georgia where I use to live.  If you can’t run with the big dogs stay on the Porsche!!

Did you hear they fired the guy that worked the drive through at Dunkin Donuts for taking too long to repeat the orders back to the customers?

Seems he was a Stud-ering baker

My wife and I went to our favorite restaurant the other evening and our waiter’s name was Royce. After we ran out of bread I motioned for him to come to the table and said, “Please bring us some more rolls, Royce.”

What did you all Escape?

My daughter has been playing upwards basketball this year and it is fun, but it will challenge-r.    She also has a friend that she is practicing with.  Her name is Elle.  I told her to play hard but you should not push or chev-elle.

[at this point, things quieted down. But not for long!]

Jeepers guys! Don’t tell me this pun war has stalled!

I have been busy and since I am older I tend to breathe harder for a long time.  You could say I am in the middle of a pant-era.

Had to stop and watch the space shuttle. It’s landed, by the way. I heard that some guy named Zuki had some stuff aboard the shuttle that caused some issues. Now some Japanese investors are calling in the lawyers. Who knows, maybe they’ll end up having to Sue Zuki.

There was a big competition the other day at my friend Edward’s car lot.  Apparently they had a contest with the other car lots and he won a huge prize because he sold the most cars.  The question on everyone’s lips was:  “How much did Ed sell?”

How much did Ed sell, David? I’ll tell you what his friend, Myrrh, told me… Myrrh said he’s sold all the one’s he sold!

Well I did hear from one other salesman.  Barry Mcguire said he Walked all over both Myrhh and Ed.  Hard to know which volks to believe?  I just keep wagen my finger at them and tell them to speak the truth.

Wow, I had to chuckle at that one! David you’re on a roll!

Thanks.  Yu-go Ron!!!

Sounds like those salesmen are not of one Accord

Well now I heard that there will be a prelude to handing out the prize.  They will all meet at the civic center and come to a final decision.

I remember once getting my tires changed at Ed’s while I waited in the lobby. I could see that my car was on the hoist, but they couldn’t get the hoist to work. “Do you have someone who can fix it?” I asked him.  “We think Link can” they told me. 2 hours later, I guess he fixed it but not very well because the building started to shake. I could feel my Mercury rising, it just kept going up.

The other day when I was in the grocery store I noticed that the shelves were much higher than they had been before and in the bread aisle they had a ladder for everyone who couldn’t reach the high bread.

Did you hear about the car that could do math? Everyone wanted to see the Continental divide

That’s it! The Scandinavian folks have been left out of this pun war for far too long. Take Haan for example. The dude always wanted to fly airplanes. Put himself through flight school. Yessirree he was on the fast track. Until he had a stay over in Georgia. That messed his talkin’ up perty bad. During his first commercial flight, he got on the intercom and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen. This is Haan, da Pilot.”

I know Haan.   After his first flight he was asked where he got his inspiration and he told the reporters that the credit goes all to ma.

[Ron Note:   At this point, the songwriter among us threw out a different thought, and for a moment, I thought the pun war would steer in a different direction.]

David:  If we could all just write songs like this…..

Ron:  Hmmm.  Song writing … in a pun war style. Could be interesting.

Pat: All I could come up with is maybe a Hummer.

I dunno, Pat. You could aspire to be greater.  (Btw – awesome pun-comeback, with a song twist. Wow! You are all are on fire. Makes me tired.)

I don’t know, I just Sat until it was my turn.

Well gents, someone must have lit a Fiero under our chairs today. This has been the longest Pun War Thing we have ever done. I won’t Beatle around the bush David. Welcome to the pun war club. You did good!

Woohoo.  As a mighty Asian warrior once said.  “Have a Hun –day

Might be really cool to create a tune-up to a high standard.

Alan: Amazing guys! This has to be one of the best pun wars I’ve ever been involved in. By the power vested in me by the 3rd Millennium Pun Council and some other made up organizations, I officially declare this pun thread infallible and commit it to The National Pun Archives funded with lots of your tax money.

All Good Pun Wars Must Come to an End

And thus ends the great car pun war of March 2011. It was wheel fun for all of us who were involved. Hope you all engine-oyd it too!
© Ron Masters

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